The article below was written before the launch of Katy Perry’s all-female crew space publicity stunt, so some details of her inevitable fiery death may be slightly off.
In a hilariously doomed bid to prove women can invade man’s sacred domain of space, pop diva Katy Perry and her handpicked posse of Blue Origin’s finest female astronauts crashed and burned during their attempt to breach the heavens today. The mission, dubbed “Operation Lipstick Launch,” was meant to showcase girl power among the stars but instead ended in a fiery reminder that women are feeble-minded and inept creatures.
The all-female crew, reportedly chosen for their “girl boss vibes” rather than pesky qualifications, spent pre-launch prep time loudly debating nail polish shades and snapping selfies in their glittery spacesuits. Perry, the mission’s self-appointed “Chief Inspiration Officer,” insisted on blasting her hit “Roar” during liftoff, drowning out critical radio chatter. Sources say the control room’s male engineers could only groan as the rocket wobbled skyward, as their warnings about trajectory errors were ignored. Until finally the rocket exploded in “a sparkly pink mushroom cloud” that was said to be visible from three states.
Also on board this doomed DEI disaster was the billionaire owner of Blue Origin (and Amazon) Jeff Bezos’s fiancée, Lauren Sánchez, making this all-female rocket launch stunt one of the most elaborate and creative ways to dump a woman ever conceived.
Bezos is no doubt cackling away in his man-cave right now while getting blown by his much younger new girlfriend and toasting the explosion as “better than any prenup.”