Blake Lively Bitchy Side Boob Runs PR Damage Control

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Actress Blake Lively scrambles to salvage her tattered public image by shamelessly flaunting her bulbous, bitchy side boob in what appears to be an attempt to slither back into the depraved infidel masses’ good graces in the video above.

Of course, us pious Muslims couldn’t care less that Blake is a shrewish harpy, as we are not shallow and judge women exclusively on their looks and not their personalities. After all, a woman’s misbehavior is merely a mirror reflecting the failures of her male overseer. And in Blake’s case, she is shackled to an extremely effeminate, limp-wristed actor in Ryan Reynolds.

Despite the rabble’s current disdain, Blake shouldn’t be dragged out behind the barn and put out of her misery just yet. After all, those massive heaving mammaries of hers still have some life in them.

Besides, as we can see from the bikini runway video clip above from Blake’s early days in showbiz, when her udders are adequately drained, she appears to have a much less insufferable demeanor. This is yet another damning indictment that homoqueer Ryan Reynolds is failing her as an owner. So, let us bow our heads and pray for Blake’s salvation—not through her own merit, for she has none, but through the divine intervention of conversion to Islam. Only by submitting to a powerful, iron-fisted Muslim master can she be properly trained, her wild, self-entitled spirit broken like a mare under a firm saddle.

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