Scarlett Johansson And I Did NOT Have Sex!

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By now you have no doubt heard the vicious and vile rumors running rampant (thanks to the video below) that actress Scarlett Johansson and I, Durka Durka Mohammed, the world’s most esteemed and righteous celebrity blogger, had sex.

Well let me just state in no uncertain terms that Scarlett and I DID NOT HAVE SEX!… Not even a little bit! And anyone who suggests otherwise is a filthy liar who will be thrashed with the full fury of my jewel-encrusted scimitar.

For let’s be real, the idea that Scarlett and I would engage in passionate lovemaking is beyond absurd. For as we can see from the on/off comparison of her nude side profile above, I can do MUCH better than a woman with such a frumpy frame.

While the pitiful, lust-addled infidel males of the West may fantasize about Scarlett following them back to their bedrooms and dropping to her knees offering herself up for their pleasure. Virile Muslims such as myself find the notion that we’d ever permit such an act to be utterly offensive. For with our impressive flowing beards, burly powerful physiques, and absolutely enormous manhoods, there is no denying that we are WAY out of Scarlett’s league.

Thankfully, in the end this salacious Scarlett Johansson sex gossip will not tarnish the gleaming beacon of the name Durka Durka Mohammed. For she is but a flicker in the shadow of my monumental grandeur.

The post Scarlett Johansson And I Did NOT Have Sex! appeared first on Celeb Jihad.